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A MODEST PROPOSAL FOR
PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR
PEOPLE IN IRELAND FROM BEING A
BURDEN TO THEIR PARENTS OR
COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM
BENEFICIAL TO THE PUBLIC

It is a melancholy object to those who walk
through this great town or travel in the
country, when they see the streets, the
roads, and cabin doors, crowded with
beggars of the female sex, followed by
three, four, or six children, all in rags and
importuning every passenger for an alms.
These mothers, instead of being able to
work for their honest livelihood, are forced
to employ all their time in strolling to beg
sustenance for their helpless infants: who
as they grow up either turn thieves for want
of work, or leave their dear native country to
fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell
themselves to the Barbadoes.

I think it is agreed by all parties that this
prodigious number of children in the arms,
or on the backs, or at the heels of their
mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in
the present deplorable state of the kingdom
a very great additional grievance; and,
therefore, whoever could find out a fair,
cheap, and easy method of making these
children sound, useful members of the
commonwealth, would deserve so well of
the public as to have his statue set up for a
preserver of the nation.

But my intention is very far from being
confined to provide only for the children of
professed beggars; it is of a much greater
extent, and shall take in the whole number of
infants at a certain age who are born of
parents in effect as little able to support
them as those who demand our charity in
the streets.

As to my own part, having turned my
thoughts for many years upon this important
subject, and maturely weighed the several
schemes of other projectors, I have always
found them grossly mistaken in the
computation. It is true, a child just dropped
from its dam may be supported by her milk
for a solar year, with little other nourishment;
at most not above the value of 2s., which the
mother may certainly get, or the value in
scraps, by her lawful occupation of
begging; and it is exactly at one year old that
I propose to provide for them in such a
manner as instead of being a charge upon
their parents or the parish, or wanting food
and raiment for the rest of their lives, they
shall on the contrary contribute to the
feeding, and partly to the clothing, of many
thousands.

There is likewise another great advantage
in my scheme, that it will prevent those
voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice
of women murdering their bastard children,
alas! too frequent among us! sacrificing the
poor innocent babes I doubt more to avoid

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the expense than the shame, which would
move tears and pity in the most savage and
inhuman breast.

The number of souls in this kingdom being
usually reckoned one million and a half, of
these I calculate there may be about two
hundred thousand couple whose wives are
breeders; from which number I subtract
thirty thousand couples who are able to
maintain their own children, although I
apprehend there cannot be so many, under
the present distresses of the kingdom; but
this being granted, there will remain an
hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I
again subtract fifty thousand for those
women who miscarry, or whose children
die by accident or disease within the year.
There only remains one hundred and twenty
thousand children of poor parents annually
born: the question therefore is, how this
number shall be reared and provided for,
which, as I have already said, under the
present situation of affairs, is utterly
impossible by all the methods hitherto
proposed. For we can neither employ them
in handicraft or agriculture; we neither build
houses (I mean in the country) nor cultivate
land: they can very seldom pick up a
livelihood by stealing, till they arrive at six
years old, except where they are of towardly
parts, although I confess they learn the
rudiments much earlier, during which time,
they can however be properly looked upon
only as probationers, as I have been
informed by a principal gentleman in the
county of Cavan, who protested to me that
he never knew above one or two instances
under the age of six, even in a part of the
kingdom so renowned for the quickest
proficiency in that art.

I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or
a girl before twelve years old is no salable
commodity; and even when they come to
this age they will not yield above three

pounds, or three pounds and half-a-crown
at most on the exchange; which cannot turn
to account either to the parents or kingdom,
the charge of nutriment and rags having
been at least four times that value.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my
own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable
to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing
American of my acquaintance in London,
that a young healthy child well nursed is at a
year old a most delicious, nourishing, and
wholesome food, whether stewed,
roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no
doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee
or a ragout.

I do therefore humbly offer it to public
consideration that of the hundred and
twenty thousand children already
computed, twenty thousand may be
reserved for breed, whereof only one-
fourth part to be males; which is more than
we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine;
and my reason is, that these children are
seldom the fruits of marriage, a
circumstance not much regarded by our
savages, therefore one male will be
sufficient to serve four females. That the
remaining hundred thousand may, at a year
old, be offered in the sale to the persons of
quality and fortune through the kingdom;
always advising the mother to let them suck
plentifully in the last month, so as to render
them plump and fat for a good table. A child
will make two dishes at an entertainment for
friends; and when the family dines alone,
the fore or hind quarter will make a
reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little
pepper or salt will be very good boiled on
the fourth day, especially in winter.

I have reckoned upon a medium that a child
just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar

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year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to 28
pounds.

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and
therefore very proper for landlords, who, as
they have already devoured most of the
parents, seem to have the best title to the
children.

Infant's flesh will be in season throughout
the year, but more plentiful in March, and a
little before and after; for we are told by a
grave author, an eminent French physician,
that fish being a prolific diet, there are more
children born in Roman Catholic countries
about nine months after Lent than at any
other season; therefore, reckoning a year
after Lent, the markets will be more glutted
than usual, because the number of popish
infants is at least three to one in this
kingdom: and therefore it will have one
other collateral advantage, by lessening the
number of papists among us.

I have already computed the charge of
nursing a beggar's child (in which list I
reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four-
fifths of the farmers) to be about two
shillings per annum, rags included; and I
believe no gentleman would repine to give
ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat
child, which, as I have said, will make four
dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he
hath only some particular friend or his own
family to dine with him. Thus the squire will
learn to be a good landlord, and grow
popular among his tenants; the mother will
have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for
work till she produces another child.

Those who are more thrifty (as I must
confess the times require) may flay the
carcass; the skin of which artificially
dressed will make admirable gloves for
ladies, and summer boots for fine
gentlemen.

As to our city of Dublin, shambles may be
appointed for this purpose in the most
convenient parts of it, and butchers we may
be assured will not be wanting; although I
rather recommend buying the children alive,
and dressing them hot from the knife, as we
do roasting pigs.

A very worthy person, a true lover of his
country, and whose virtues I highly esteem,
was lately pleased in discoursing on this
matter to offer a refinement upon my
scheme. He said that many gentlemen of
this kingdom, having of late destroyed their
deer, he conceived that the want of venison
might be well supplied by the bodies of
young lads and maidens, not exceeding
fourteen years of age nor under twelve; so
great a number of both sexes in every
country being now ready to starve for want
of work and service; and these to be
disposed of by their parents, if alive, or
otherwise by their nearest relations. But
with due deference to so excellent a friend
and so deserving a patriot, I cannot be
altogether in his sentiments; for as to the
males, my American acquaintance assured
me, from frequent experience, that their
flesh was generally tough and lean, like that
of our schoolboys by continual exercise,
and their taste disagreeable; and to fatten
them would not answer the charge. Then as
to the females, it would, I think, with humble
submission be a loss to the public, because
they soon would become breeders
themselves; and besides, it is not
improbable that some scrupulous people
might be apt to censure such a practice
(although indeed very unjustly), as a little
bordering upon cruelty; which, I confess,
hath always been with me the strongest
objection against any project, however so
well intended.

But in order to justify my friend, he
confessed that this expedient was put into

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his head by the famous Psalmanazar, a
native of the island Formosa, who came
from thence to London above twenty years
ago, and in conversation told my friend, that
in his country when any young person
happened to be put to death, the
executioner sold the carcass to persons of
quality as a prime dainty; and that in his time
the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was
crucified for an attempt to poison the
emperor, was sold to his imperial
majesty's prime minister of state, and other
great mandarins of the court, in joints from
the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither
indeed can I deny, that if the same use were
made of several plump young girls in this
town, who without one single groat to their
fortunes cannot stir abroad without a chair,
and appear at playhouse and assemblies in
foreign fineries which they never will pay
for, the kingdom would not be the worse.

Some persons of a desponding spirit are in
great concern about that vast number of
poor people, who are aged, diseased, or
maimed, and I have been desired to employ
my thoughts what course may be taken to
ease the nation of so grievous an
encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain
upon that matter, because it is very well
known that they are every day dying and
rotting by cold and famine, and filth and
vermin, as fast as can be reasonably
expected. And as to the young laborers,
they are now in as hopeful a condition; they
cannot get work, and consequently pine
away for want of nourishment, to a degree
that if at any time they are accidentally hired
to common labor, they have not strength to
perform it; and thus the country and
themselves are happily delivered from the
evils to come.

I have too long digressed, and therefore
shall return to my subject. I think the
advantages by the proposal which I have

made are obvious and many, as well as of
the highest importance.

For first, as I have already observed, it
would greatly lessen the number of papists,
with whom we are yearly overrun, being the
principal breeders of the nation as well as
our most dangerous enemies; and who stay
at home on purpose with a design to deliver
the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to
take their advantage by the absence of so
many good protestants, who have chosen
rather to leave their country than stay at
home and pay tithes against their
conscience to an Episcopal curate.

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have
something valuable of their own, which by
law may be made liable to distress and help
to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and
cattle being already seized, and money a
thing unknown.

Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an
hundred thousand children, from two years
old and upward, cannot be computed at
less than ten shillings a-piece per annum,
the nation's stock will be thereby increased
fifty thousand pounds per annum, beside
the profit of a new dish introduced to the
tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the
kingdom who have any refinement in taste.
And the money will circulate among
ourselves, the goods being entirely of our
own growth and manufacture.

Fourthly, The constant breeders, beside the
gain of eight shillings sterling per annum by
the sale of their children, will be rid of the
charge of maintaining them after the first
year. Fifthly, This food would likewise bring
great custom to taverns; where the vintners
will certainly be so prudent as to procure the
best receipts for dressing it to perfection,
and consequently have their houses
frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who

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justly value themselves upon their
knowledge in good eating: and a skilful
cook, who understands how to oblige his
guests, will contrive to make it as expensive
as they please.

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to
marriage, which all wise nations have either
encouraged by rewards or enforced by
laws and penalties. It would increase the
care and tenderness of mothers toward
their children, when they were sure of a
settlement for life to the poor babes,
provided in some sort by the public, to their
annual profit instead of expense. We should
see an honest emulation among the married
women, which of them could bring the
fattest child to the market. Men would
become as fond of their wives during the
time of their pregnancy as they are now of
their mares in foal, their cows in calf, their
sows when they are ready to farrow; nor
offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent
a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.

Many other advantages might be
enumerated. For instance, the addition of
some thousand carcasses in our
exportation of barreled beef, the
propagation of swine's flesh, and
improvement in the art of making good
bacon, so much wanted among us by the
great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our
tables; which are no way comparable in
taste or magnificence to a well-grown, fat,
yearling child, which roasted whole will
make a considerable figure at a lord
mayor's feast or any other public
entertainment. But this and many others I
omit, being studious of brevity.

Supposing that one thousand families in
this city would be constant customers for
infants flesh, besides others who might
have it at merry meetings, particularly
weddings and christenings: I compute that

Dublin would take off annually about twenty
thousand carcasses, and the rest of the
kingdom (where probably they will be sold
somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty
thousand.

I can think of no one that will possibly be
raised against this propasal, unless it
should be urged that the number of people
will be thereby much lessened in the
kingdom. This I freely own, and it was
indeed one principal design in offering it to
the world. I desire the reader will observe,
that I calculated my remedy for this one
individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no
other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can
be upon earth. Therefore let no man talk to
me of other expedients: Of taxing our
absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using
neither clothes, nor household furniture,
except what is our own growth and
manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the
materials and instruments that promote
foriegn luxury: Of curing the expensiveness
of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our
women: Of introducing a vein of parsimony,
prudence, and temperance: Of learning to
love our country, wherein we differ even
from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of
Tompinamboo: Of quitting our animosities
and factions, nor act any longe like the
Jews, who were murdering one another at
the very moment their city was taken: Of
being a little cautious not to sell our country
and consciences for nothing: Of teaching
landlords to have at least one degree of
mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of
putting a spirit of honesty, industry, into our
shopkeepers, who, if a resolution could
now be taken to buy only our native goods,
would immediately unite to cheat and exact
upon us in the price, the measure and
goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to
make one fair propasal of just dealing,
though often and ernestly invited to it.

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Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of
these and the likes expedients, till he hath at
least a glimpse of hope that there will ever
be some hearty and sincere attempt to put
them in practice. But as to myself, having
been wearied out for many years with
offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and
at length utterly dispairing of success, I
fortunately fell upon this propasal, which as
it is wholly new, so it hath something solid
and real, of no expense and little trouble, full
in our own power, and whereby we can
incur no danger in disobliging England. For
this kind of commodity will not bear
exportation, the flesh being of too tender a
consistence to admit a long continuance in
salt, although perhaps I could name a
country that would be glad to eat up our
whole nation without it.

After all, I am not so violently bent upon my
own opinion as to reject any offer proposed
by wise men, which shall be found equally
innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But
before something of that kind shall be
advanced in contradiction to my scheme,
and offering a better, I desire the author or
authors will be pleased maturely to consider
two points. First, as things now stand, how
they will be able to find food and raiment for
an hundred thousand useless mouths and
backs. And secondly, there being a round
million of creatures in human figure
throughout this kingdom, whose whole
subsistence put into a common stock would
leave them in debt two millions of pounds
sterling, adding those who are beggars by
profession to the bulk of farmers, cottagers,
and laborers, with their wives and children
who are beggars in effect: I desire those
politicians who dislike my overture, and
may perhaps be so bold as to attempt an
answer, that they will first ask the parents of
these mortals, whether they would not at this
day think it a great happiness to have been
sold for food, at a year old in the manner I

prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a
perpetual scene of misfortunes as they
have since gone through by the oppression
of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent
without money or trade, the want of
common sustenance, with neither house
nor clothes to cover them from the
inclemencies of the weather, and the most
inevitable prospect of entailing the like or
greater miseries upon their breed for ever.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I
have not the least personal interest in
endeavoring to promote this necessary
work, having no other motive than the public
good of my country, by advancing our trade,
providing for infants, relieving the poor, and
giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no
children by which I can propose to get a
single penny; the youngest being nine years
old, and my wife past child-bearing. (1729)

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